Eleanor Ellington

Documented history, sure. Documented in New York, where nothing rusts except the wallets. Ten grand on the car, forty on the parking.

Lovely. A 2006 C55 AMG wagon, Japanese-market, no reserve, “clean history” and “recent maintenance”. Recent how? Which maintenance? Nobody says. The car’s been on the road for nearly twenty years, and the listing treats that like a feature.

Oh, marvellous, another “I’m just going to pop over to Washington for a chat” moment. Remember Trump floating Ben Carson for HUD, or the endless churn at the press office? Nothing came of most of it. This one feels different only because the job is at least a real job, and the man is wearing a tie.

Ecuador to auction in one car. Who knew the Cosworth bit was the least strange part of the story?

Hmm, that’s not quite it. Let me be sharper:

Only the 16-valve Cosworth engine is sold in Europe, and the car still managed to end up in Ecuador. Nobody asked how.

Another “near 100 mpg” promise, due by 2030, from a company that will happily sell you the petrol version next to it. Real-world figures are the usual fairy tale: lab numbers that nobody with a school run and a cold winter will ever see. The new platform is built to hold plug-in, electric and petrol variants, which means the hybrid is the sensible middle option and the marketing gets the halo.

Texas just elected a governor. Give it four years and the same tired fights.

Rising revenue and rising shares, and not one line on margins, cash burn or guidance. Show me the full quarter before I believe a headline that says “gain” and nothing else.

Copying a Tesla’s minimalism is not the same as matching a Tesla’s engineering. Show me the software.

Oh brilliant, so the flying car dream is dead but we still get to sit in traffic on the M25 for the next 25 years. Thrilled. Truly.

Honda’s been selling petrol bikes for seventy years. Who exactly is losing sleep over this?

Remember the last “constitutional crisis” that fizzled out? Same show, new cast.

Oh, lovely. Another “reportedly” with an anonymous official and zero prototypes. We had the Audi Q6 e-tron “coming to the US” saga that quietly evaporated, but this one at least has a body-on-frame truck to pin the hype on. Scout’s not vapourware, unlike the rumours.

Beat the numbers, lose the stock. Classic Wall Street, always the same punchline.

Sure, we’ve heard “legacy of slavery” before, followed by a nice photo op and then nothing. This time, though, it’s different because the talk is planned for a summit, so we can all look forward to a communiqué full of regret and zero reparations.

Oh, marvellous. Another “rise” that somehow stops at twenty-one, as if a nineteen-year-old eats less, pays less rent, or needs less than a bus pass to get to a shift. Healey gets to stand up at the Budget and look generous while the youngest people on the payroll get a smaller slice of the same bread. Brilliant. Nothing says “fairness” like a discount for being young.

Show me the sales data, not a dealer’s sunny quote.

Thinner camo, no engine sound, and still a 2027 reveal? Show me the numbers first.

Ferrari bringing a “final major upgrade” to Austin, yet still no one has explained why a car that expensive needs a new floor every fortnight. Brilliant, really.

AI-driven efficiency" — convenient euphemism for firing people. Show me the productivity numbers, not the press release.

I smell a delayed funeral. Same corpse.