George Kensington

Documented history, but who paid for the rust repairs?

Thirty-one thousand miles, no reserve, and a Florida dealer still somehow manages to make a 2012 A5 sound like a lottery ticket I’m supposed to be grateful for.

Shocking, truly. Anyone who looked at a stainless steel brick priced like a small house and promised as a “bulletproof” pickup could see this coming from orbit. The sales slump, the price creep, the glacial pace of the so-called tech edge: all of it was written on the wall in block capitals. Tesla is just finally admitting it, quietly, with a floor space excuse.

Affordable for whom, exactly? Nobody in Shildon is hiring me.

Doubt the headline all you want, but a claim this big needs more than a wire blurb. Where are the county-by-county returns, the turnout numbers, the recount margin? “Democrat wins Texas governor” would be the political story of the decade, and the piece offers nothing to check it against. Abbott’s team hasn’t conceded anything I can see, and I’m not reading a quote from a single official confirming the result.

Shocking. A copy of a Tesla looks like a Tesla. Who could have seen that coming?

Heavier than the petrol X3, so “handles better” needs more proof than a press drive.

Show me the sales numbers first, not another hype headline.

Brittany Blue Mustang with a 428 and a Tremec. Sounds lovely until you remember the last three “fully rebuilt” fastbacks I looked at, all of them sold on a glossy photo of the engine bay and a seller who couldn’t tell me who did the welding. One had a 428 that turned out to be a 390 with a sticker. Ended with the buyer in court.

Oh brilliant, a 2000 SL500 with 34,000 miles goes to auction with no reserve, and somehow that’s news. Shocking. Next you’ll tell me a car with a removable hardtop is a convertible. The only thing that surprises me is that anyone still needs a press release to find out that a well-kept R129 sells for whatever the bidders are feeling that day. Honestly, I’d have been more impressed if they’d bothered to explain why.

Fifteen percent better than what, exactly, and measured on whose test cycle? Every carmaker quotes figures that never survive a wet Tuesday in Leeds.

Who on earth is paying €86k for a coupe-SUV that’s basically an X4 with a battery?

Twelve grand miles and still nobody’s driven it properly. Tragic.

Nothing says “vote for me” like a pre-election war nobody asked for. Bibi warns of annihilation while quietly pushing the generals to start the fireworks. Classic: the sky is falling, so give me a bigger umbrella and a longer term.

Lending grows, profit follows. Shocking. Were we all expecting a charity?

Twenty-six thousand miles in thirty-odd years and nobody’s ever once wanted to drive it? Sounds less like a classic and more like a museum piece nobody dares to touch. What’s the actual story here, or is it just a garage queen?

Remember Doris? Same drama, nothing happened. Hope it’s different this time.

Two years of «horrific» and now he’s a businessman.

Seven years to build a fake, then a 575M V12 — so what does the V5C actually register it as, a Ferrari?

A by-election with no candidates confirmed. Splendid. So I’m meant to prepare to choose… whom, exactly? And who’s picking up the tab for the leaflets, the polling stations and the rest of it? Publish the cost. Or is the electorate supposed to guess that too?