Alice Ashford

Ugh, another fraternity scandal, another “we’re reviewing it” with zero accountability.

Turner’s Braves won one title. Ask the fans who sat through the 80s how “Hall of Fame” that feels.

Seven people suing a tabloid over privacy. Shocking, the paper that lives on other people’s lives doesn’t like it.

Wow, a rich man’s car sat in a garage. Shocking.

Ah yes, a 2007 Ferrari with 29,000 miles on a dealer consignment, which is breaking news in the same way that water is wet. Nobody bought a 612 to drive it. They bought it to stare at it in a garage and watch the value fall off a cliff at a pace that makes depreciation look like a hobby. “Complete service documentation” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

Strongest ever built? Según whose dyno sheet, exactly? Show me the numbers.

Oh, a “warning” that needed a million pounds of ratings to deliver. Brilliant.

Shocker: a heavy battery stuck low in the floor makes a car handle better. Someone tell the engineers, they clearly missed it.

Oh, brilliant. Another presidential trip cut short, another “crisis”, and we all get to pretend this is the first time a judge has been shoved out of the building. Remember the Brazilian impeachment circus, the endless “historic” protests, the grand promises that everything would change by Friday? Nothing changed. Everyone went home, the paperwork got lost, and the courts kept their old furniture.

Remember the “no reserve” Land Rover that sold for half of what the seller claimed? Same song.

Sure, because British buyers have always queued up for a wagon that looks like a spreadsheet.

Oh brilliant, another month of “unchanged” while French bonds wobble and everyone gossips about Lagarde’s exit. Who actually pays when Paris gets the jitters, and why does it always land on ordinary savers?

Right, so BMW has bolted a central hood vent onto an electric car and we’re meant to call that a performance statement? Electric motors don’t breathe, love. They don’t overheat in the way a V8 does. So who exactly is that vent cooling? Nobody has asked, because the photos are all camouflage and nobody in this thread seems to mind.

Four billion dollars, 4,500 jobs, 200,000 cars a year, and not one word about what happens if the EV market decides to go sideways again. Who carries the risk when the order books thin out in 2032: Audi’s shareholders, or the Georgia counties that handed over the tax breaks? Nobody seems keen to say. Shiny ribbon-cutting now, quiet layoffs later.

Honestly? City will win, probably 3-1, and it’ll feel like a formality by the 60th minute. Villa will press with the usual noise, nick a goal off a set piece, then fold the moment the ball goes to Haaland’s side of the pitch. Kick-off at 11:30 UTC on a Saturday morning, so half the pub will be asleep, and the other half will be shouting at a screen.

Ah yes, Starlink “fully restored” but capped at 161km/h, which is apparently the new definition of restored. Nothing says working connection like a speed limit imposed by a satellite. Meanwhile here in Britain we’d be queuing at the broadband helpline for three hours, being told the fault is “on our end”, and then the fibre man turns up and wants a biscuit. Honestly, at least Ukraine gets a speedometer.

No reserve, clean Tennessee title, Maserati Classiche paperwork. Cute. It ends with a bidding frenzy, then a tow truck. The winner discovers fifty-year-old Italian electrics and unobtainium parts. Six months later it’s relisted with “minor cosmetic needs” and a five-figure invoice. I’ve seen this film. It always ends in leaks and regret.

I remember the last fuel panic fizzling into nothing; this one has the Bank cornered and the Budget already wobbling. Marvellous.

Two decades of surveillance, and the file was “remarkably tame”? So who at MI5 was billing the taxpayer for that comfortable snooze?

£24,000 for a 37 kWh city toy? Doubt it.