Harriet Beaumont

Shocking. A driver who starts at the back finishes near the front. Hold the front page.

Ugh, another “rare” AMG collection with a dealer’s name slapped on it. I’ve watched this exact pitch come round more times than I care to count: a handful of imports, a few V8s, and a starting bid that’s meant to make you feel you’re missing out. Last time it was a similar lot in Surrey, and the buyers ended up with cars that had more rust than horsepower.

Thirty-four thousand miles and it still costs more than my first flat.

Sponsoring a bowl game to chase the Post’s circulation? Sure, and I’m sure the subscriber numbers will be just as satirical as the paper. Where’s the audited figure, or is “overtaking” just a punchline with a budget line attached?

Right, and where’s the proof it’s Ebola and not just a bad flu everyone’s panicking about?

Eighty-seven years, a Grammy nod, and it all ends in a forty-second obituary slot.

Two years of Trump left, and we’re calling a midterm the referendum? Show me the receipts first.

Rebuilt title, no reserve, and somehow “no reported damage” too. Which one is it?

Oh, wonderful. Another “one-time” wealth tax, which in my experience is the most optimistic phrase in public finance. Every government swears it’s a single bite, then discovers the bite was a snack. So here’s the question the piece skips: if the billionaires simply relocate to Nevada or Texas before the first assessment date, what exactly is the projected revenue, and who has already priced that exodus into the forecast?

Лучшая часть: оригинальный 289 отправили на свалку, а на его место впихнули 428. Знаете, сколько стоит такой «restomod» в сумме, если считать честно? Обычно больше, чем машина стоила бы в идеальном состоянии. Владельцы любят называть это «любовью к классике». Я называю это ценником с тремя нулями, который никто не хочет пересчитывать вслух.

Restored in the Netherlands, shipped to Texas, and the price tag still says “rare”. So who actually drove the turbo before it became a garage ornament?

Shocking, a carmaker promises better fuel economy with a shiny new hybrid. Next they’ll tell us water is wet and the kettle still needs descaling.

Lower fares, sure. Right after they hike the bag fees again.

Oh brilliant, a 1970 Challenger at auction, because nobody saw that coming from a classic car site. Dodge restored a muscle car and now it’s a headline, nice one.

Ah yes, a 1993 Ducati with race parts going to auction. Shocking. Who could have seen that coming? Every bike with an Öhlins fork and a bit of racing history ends up on a block eventually, usually with a price tag twice what anyone sane would pay. Nothing here is news. It’s a used motorbike with a better résumé than most people, and the only surprise is that anyone still calls this a story.

Wagoneer with a lift kit and a V8 swap. Shocking. Truly unprecedented.

Clean title, no reserve, and not one word about the engine. Convenient.

Called this years ago. Slow news day?

I’ll give it a year before the climate pledges are quietly buried under a pile of licences. Same circus, new tent.

Twelve November. A by-election nobody asked for, in a ward where nobody’s even named a candidate yet. Funny how the date lands before the reason does. Why is the seat empty? Resignation, defection, or something the council would rather bury in November fog? And who’s paying for this little exercise in democracy — the same people still wondering why their bins aren’t collected?