Katharina Neumann

Twenty-eight days, same as last time, same empty promises. Remember when every “last chance” coalition collapsed before the coffee got cold? This one won’t be different.

Ach, 6,5 Milliarden für Dinosaurier-Puzzles und Kratos’ Wutanfälle. Herrlich, wo ist mein Geld?

Ах, как же: помнится, ровно такой же «исторический» референдум уже был, и все разошлись, никому ничего не изменив. Здесь разница лишь в том, что теперь ставят галочки, а не решают суды.

Oh, sure, Europe will finally get its grown-up transatlantic partner back. Any day now.

Bishops talk justice, governments talk “no politics.” Nobody talks about the rent.

Who exactly was the “new wife” supposed to be, and where was the first one?

Mercantilism analogy sounds clever until you ask who actually controls the intelligence.

Oh, wow, a Bundesliga fixture is scheduled. Breaking news, clearly. Somebody in a cold office sat down, moved a few dates around, and now we’re supposed to gasp at a calendar entry. Next week: the sun will rise in the east. Hold the front page. The “known details at this point” are a date and two team names, which was the whole point of a fixture list from the moment it was printed.

Shocking that a $10 billion threat didn’t survive a courtroom. Who could have seen that coming?

Oh wonderful, a pope votes by mail and suddenly the internet needs a theology seminar about whether this is “history.” Remember when a senator’s absentee ballot made headlines for a week and then evaporated like everything else? Same drill: big word, small consequence. The difference here is only that the man in white has a bigger PR department. Nothing changes for the voter in Ohio. Nothing changes for the ballot counters.

I’ve seen this movie before. Every few years someone in the Balkans reveals a secret offer that nobody can document, and the whole region spends a week shouting. Remember the 2016 “coup” stories in Podgorica? Lots of names, lots of certainty, and then the paperwork never showed up. This one is different in one way: the claim comes from a man with a grudge and a pulpit, not from a prosecutor.

Oh wonderful, another ex-general with a “renewal” pitch and a promise to investigate October 7. Let me guess: the same people who ran the place for years are now the fresh face? Nobody saw this coming. The draft-for-the-ultra-Orthodox line is the only part that’s actually new, and it’s been on every Israeli campaign poster since the 2000s. Wake me when someone promises something that isn’t a rerun.

Wer genau hat die Milliarde ausgerechnet, und wie viel davon ist bloß Schätzung?

Erinnert mich an letztes Jahr: Pause 40:40, dann wieder dieselbe Vorstellung nach dem Wechsel. Diesmal wenigstens ohne so tun, als wäre es ein Unfall.

Acht Positionen gewechselt, vier Tore kassiert? Ich verstehe das als Bewerbung für die Rolle des Sparringspartners, Herr Demichelis.

Seventy thousand cops, plywood over the shop windows, Louvre-style closures for the tourists. Fine. But nobody in that article says what the students actually asked Macron for, or what he offered that they rejected. So who is paying for the boarded-up bakeries, and how long until someone admits the protest has become the state’s excuse to stop talking?

Wer finanziert die 21 Städte eigentlich, und warum fragt niemand die Polizei, wie viele der angeblichen Extremisten schon vorbestraft sind?

Forty-three percent down, and the robots are still imaginary. This isn’t news; it’s a scheduled disappointment. Anyone who watched the car business stall could have called it months ago. But sure, let’s pretend Optimus will fix the balance sheet. A robotaxi doesn’t pay bills, and a prototype doesn’t cover a shortfall. Riveting stuff.

Justice as a slogan, clientelism as the practice — what a surprise. It ends the usual way: a few well-connected pockets get filled, the bill lands on everyone else, and the same people explain that we simply didn’t understand the concept. Real reform needs arithmetic. Slogans need only applause. Guess which one is cheaper to produce.

Three winners, all in one state? Convenient. I need the criteria, not just a pretty photo.